I'm still waiting

Last Friday, I prepared myself to present my proposal. I was nervous but always had faith that no matter what happened, I prayed that I could handle all matters well (if not best). I went to the presentation room (the usual room for presentation) and I saw that they were a few people in it. I guessed they must be there for my presentation. However, they seemed to be quite matured. That was my first doubt. Well, perhaps I was the only presenter. Moreover, it was a "last minute" notice for the students (they also didn't notify the presentation online, not that I care that no one will be attending the presentation. It's just that I felt that, would'nt there be at least a student to see me presenting? If there's none, the better actually!. I also didn't see a note on the door. Usually, there'll be a notice paste on the door if there's any presentation on that day. I thought it was better for me to go and check at the Graduate office. The staff told me that they changed the venue. Okay.. so I went to the building as was requested by her.

I waited for a few minutes. Then one of the SVs came (not the main SV). We discussed a few things. There were a lot of fruitful discussions, but just before I'll be presenting, not a good sign!. After a while, I could see a food caterer preparing tea-break in the room. Then came the examiner.. we made a short acquaintance. Just a few minutes after that the examiner's phone was ringing. I overhead her conversation. I could tell that something bad would be happening. My thought was right, she told me that the presentation was postpone again. I didn't know what to say. The SV was also speechless. He called the staff in the Graduate Office for confirmation. Yes, it was true as what the examiner informed us. The SV consoled me telling me there would always be a "hikmah" behinds all the things that happen to me. So, my defend was schedule to be on the Thursday 7 October. And yet at this hour the Graduate Office was still unable to find one available MC for the presentation nor can they fix the time whether is it going to be in the morning/afternoon. Ku mohon dipermudahkan buatku Ya Allah sebagaimana Engkau permudahkan tugasan hamba2mu yg lain, Amin.

Human are good at planning, yet God is the Provider

Today was quite a bad day for me as I received the news that my proposal defense is postponed due to the inability of the examiner in attending the session this 23rd Sept. I thought I can present earlier than the date I booked for the actual presentation, which I booked on 30 September. However, thinking of wanting to present earlier, I then called the Graduate Office to make the arrangement. Now, I'm not sure whether my main supervisor and the committee are able to make it or not on 4October. Latest info. both the chairperson and examiner will only be avaiilable on 8th Oct. Hope committee members are also free on that day. Human beings are good at planning things, but Allah is the one who determine whether or not our wish can become a reality or otherwise. I realised that this could be due to my wrong doings of so many things. Ya Allah, please forgive me for I couldn't run away from making mistakes. Here's a poem as a lesson from today's event when I browsed the word "La Takhaf wa la tahzan". Taken from http://www.mail-archive.com/sobat-azzam@yahoogroups.com/msg00661.html. It's a very nice poem and really reflects what I'm feeling at the moment.

La Takhaf wa la tahzan...

Jika ini ketentuanMu,
ku coba tabahkan hatiku,
karena pasti tersirat sesuatu di balik yang tersurat itu...
karena ku manusia biasa,
tidak terdaya memikirkan apakah hikmahnya...
apakah rahsianya..
hidup ini terus berputar,
tiada masa untuk lengah,
tiada masa untuk patah,

ku kuatkan hati yang serapuh kaca ini,
ku salutkan bersama doa tulus suci,
karena doa itu tersimpan satu kekuatanku,
kekuatan dari yang Empunya segalanya...

dan pastinya dunia bukan milikku sendiri,
untukku atur segalanya,
karena yang takdir itu mengatasi tadbir...
tadbir dari manusia yang lemah,
takdir dari Tuhan Yang Maha Mencipta,

ku simpan segala pahit dan duka,
dalam surat kehidupan ini,
yang penuh sirat pengajaran...

di sebalik yang terjadi
pasti ada yang terjanji
termateri sesuatu yang pasti
jika kau ridho ketentuan Ilahi...

The above story didn't end there. The day after writing this post, I was scolded by my supervisor via phone call telling me that I was the only student that had this kind of problem. The SV didn't have such a problem handling other students. I felt that the SV wanted to say that I'm a problematic std. In the conversation, I proposed to the SV to arrange for sthe presentation some other day. The SV refused to hear anything on the changes of date. The SV wanted to talk to the personnel in the Graduate Office only and warned me that things would be bad when it happens. I cried after I hang up the phone. I called the personnel right after that, though I knew she was off from work that day. She said she'll tell me on the date when she gets back to work (meaning today, Thursday 23 Sept). Now, I'm waiting for her call. I don't really expect anything good to happen at the current moment. What I mean I might not be presenting my proposal at the nearest time. Only Allah knows when...

Writing n publishing...

Alhamdullillah, finally I'm finished writing a manuscript after it was read by my supervisor. He made few suggestions and required me to edit few things. It concerns with what I've done in my pilot study (hence the title "Some Initial Findings") that I conducted a few month ago. Currently, I'm asking one of my colleagues to sort of proof-read it. Not sure which journal should I send it to but will find one. Hope it will be accepted by any publication out there as Prof. Ramayah of USM once said "every manuscipt has its place out there". Also, the manuscript I wrote with Kak Ida was already sent to be printed. It is really nice to work with her despite of our age gap. Her hubmleness makes me able to express my views though she is already a "somebody" in publishing industry. She is not stingy to share her knowledge of how to write. Her motivation always inspire me. Thank you kak ida for this friendship. I'm waiting for another two weeks to see how the book looks like after everything it is finalised.

NOTE: I didn't send this article as one of my supervisors told me to keep it first. He was afraid that people/ readers will be confused when reading the pilot study since I also mentioned that I wanted to publish the actual one study. For whatever the reason is, I need to get articles published; "published OR perished".

New look for my blog

Since this morning I was busy updating my blog because it has been a while that I didn't write or even add anything to this blog. And also today, the staff from Indah Water Consortium came to my house for their sewerage services. It cost RM48.00 per service. I'm not sure whether that is the standard price for all the services. The sewerage tank needs to be build again as it was really old. Not sure when it was built.

I'm still fasting today. For the month of Syaaban. Perhaps a training before the actual fasting in Ramadhan. If there is any 'puasa ganti' that I haven't qada' (of missing any fasting days), I guess this is the appropriate time. Today I plan to cook ikan pari masak asam pedas. I searched for the recipe and found this link http://sudipkayu.blogspot.com/2008/05/asam-pedas-ikan-pari.html to be the most useful guide as this is the first time I'll be cooking the dish. I cooked mi rebus johor yesterday. Gave it to Mak Teh next door since she was also fasting. My husband only said it was 'bole le'. He had two plates of that dish last night. The kids ate it with kicap kipas udang only and a little of its 'kuah'.

Streamyx- not so fame as it sounds

I'm so angry with the service... The personnel in TMPoint Pekan told me that a technician from Kuantan will come to my house within a week after I filled-in the application form. It has been A MONTH and A DAY now and he's still not here. What takes him so long?

I understand about the so-called "procedure" as was told by the personnel at the centre. However, been tolerating for it for some time already. This is EXTREMELY BAD. I'm working at home and internet is the 'life' to everything that I'm doing. Currently, I'm sharing the internet line with my neighbour (also my husband's cousin) and every time I have to call her asking to on/off the line.. it's devastating.

Vocabulary Tests

I'm done with preparing three immediate vocabulary tests and a delayed test (for pre and/or post tests). I also have new circle of friends, not just some kind of friends but the "who's who" in the field of L2 Vocabulary Acquisitions. I contacted them through emails and mobile phones. They gave me helpful opinions and great insights into the topic that I'm researching. I admired how down-to-earth they are unlike others who think they are so damn great and think they are the best. Just like the song "You're so VAIN, I'll bet you think this song is about you, Don't you? Don't you?" Ha, ha...

Yesterday was Hadif's birthday

I didn't bought a cake for hadif's birthday yesterday. Instead I packed goodies in colourful plastic bags, put a tag (to indicate that they were from him) and gave to his friends at the taska. He refused to bring cake to the taska actually. He was bothered by a girl who liked to lick the cake's cream but he could not (perhaps he saw the girl licking someone's cake in the taska). So he said he wanted to eat the cake at home. I asked my husband to buy the cake on his way home after taking the kids, but he forgot. Luckily, Hadif didn't mention anything about it. I think what matter most in our kids' birthday is the thoughts of preparing "something" from their parents. It's to show that they are celebrated for their birthdays. A cake may be a good idea but it can be replaced with other things... Happy 4th Birthday, Hadif.